Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

By Cat Salladin

When we talk about sensitivity, it’s easy to picture someone who’s emotionally fragile, maybe a bit prone to tears, and easily overwhelmed. Oftentimes, the word “sensitive” is used with a negative connotation, or even as an insult. But being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is so much more than that. It’s a natural trait that touches every aspect of life, from how we experience the world around us to how we connect with others. If you’ve ever been told you’re "too sensitive" or have felt like you were experiencing life on a different wavelength than everyone else, you might be an HSP.
 

What Does It Mean to Be a Highly Sensitive Person?

A Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP, is someone who has an increased sensitivity to stimuli, both physical and emotional. This isn’t just about having a low pain tolerance or crying during sad movies (although these can be part of it). Being highly sensitive means your nervous system is finely tuned. For a long time, I didn’t understand why I seemed so much more sensitive than the people around me. This is due to the fact that I am autistic, but also due to being an HSP. In fact, learning about highly sensitive people was one of the things that sparked my interest in understanding more about neurodivergence and, later, helped reveal that I am also autistic and ADHD. 

The term “Highly Sensitive Person” was coined by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron in the 1990s, and since then, it’s become a way for many people to understand themselves better. Dr. Aron’s research showed that about 15-20% of the population has this trait, which is equally distributed among all genders. It’s not a disorder or a weakness; it’s a natural variation in human temperament, just like being extroverted or introverted. 

HSPs tend to process information more deeply, notice subtleties in our environment, and react more strongly to sensory input. This can make the world an intense, rich place for us—but it can also make it overwhelming at times. Crowded places, loud noises, strong smells, or even too much information at once can easily overstimulate an HSP, leading to stress or exhaustion. But on the flip side, this same sensitivity can also lead to high levels of empathy, creativity, and a deep appreciation for the beauty in life. It can make us emotionally in tune with our loved ones as well as connect deeply with the experiences of others. 
 

The Inner World of an HSP

Being a highly sensitive person can be like experiencing life in high-definition, with all the colors, sounds, and emotions turned up a notch. While this can sometimes be intense and overwhelming, it also means that we often have a rich inner world full of imagination and introspection.

For HSPs, our emotions run deep. We’re not just feeling what’s on the surface; we’re diving into the spectrum of our emotions and fully experiencing the sensations that arise with them. This can make HSPs incredibly empathetic, often picking up on the feelings of others even before those people have fully realized what their own emotions are. In my experience, just being around others makes me experience their emotional realities; sometimes without even realizing that’s what I’m picking up. I’m able to sense what another person is feeling before they even tell me, which can help me respond in understanding ways. This empathy is one of our greatest strengths because we can truly support people and better sense what they are feeling.

However, this deep emotional connection can also be draining. We may find ourselves absorbing the moods of those around us, which can be exhausting, especially in environments filled with negative energy or conflict. For example, if I’m around someone who is sad, even before I am consciously aware of their sadness, I’ll begin to wonder, “Why am I feeling so down?” Then, I’ll realize that I’m not actually feeling my own emotions; I’m soaking up the other person’s like a sponge. This is why many of us HSPs need time alone to recharge, away from the emotional noise of the world. 

HSPs can also be highly attuned to the subtleties of our environment. We might notice the slight change in someone’s tone of voice, the flicker of a lightbulb, or the way the fabric of their clothing feels against their skin. This heightened awareness can lead to a strong appreciation for art, music, and nature, as HSPs often find beauty in the details that others might overlook. 
 

The Challenges of Being Highly Sensitive

While being an HSP comes with many gifts, it also has its challenges. The world isn’t always kind to those who feel deeply, and HSPs can often feel out of place in a society that values toughness, efficiency, and resilience. From a young age, many of us are told that we are "too sensitive" or that we need to toughen up. This can lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy, as if our sensitivity is something to be fixed rather than embraced. Some of us begin to shut down our sensitive side, becoming dissociated or disconnected from our emotions. Others may begin to isolate themselves from connections with other people due to the stigma surrounding being a deeply-feeling person. This can make life really challenging and lonely for HSPs, who often thrive on deep emotional connections with others. 

One of the biggest challenges for HSPs is overstimulation. Because we process stimuli more deeply, it doesn’t take much for us to feel overwhelmed. A busy day at work, a crowded party, or even a chaotic household can leave us feeling drained and frazzled. This need for downtime is not about being antisocial or lazy; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We can process so much more information and be far more emotionally connected to others that having time to recharge is a vital part of managing our sensitivity and maintaining our well-being. Sometimes, especially for HSPs who overlap with being autistic, ADHD, or any other type of neurodivergence, it can be difficult to determine what traits are related to what. However, a lot of the time, the ways to accommodate for these differences and needs are the same: we need to understand our sensory profile, we need time alone, soothing sensory spaces, and grace for ourselves and our experiences. 

Another challenge can be dealing with criticism. Sometimes, we take feedback personally, often due to the level of passion and heart we put into the things we do. It can trigger an experience like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is highly dysregulating to the nervous system. Even well-intentioned comments can sting, as HSPs are acutely aware of the underlying emotions behind the words. This sensitivity to criticism can make us hesitant to put ourselves out there, whether it’s in our careers, relationships, or creative pursuits. Holding ourselves back is a way of coping with the fear and pain of criticism, however, this can cause more pain in the long run because we are not able to experience, accomplish, or create the things we so deeply desire. 

Despite these challenges, being an HSP isn’t something to be cured or changed, even though our society can be so nasty towards sensitive people. Instead, it’s about learning to navigate the world in a way that honors our sensitivity while still allowing us to thrive.
 

Embracing Your Sensitivity

For HSPs, learning to embrace sensitivity is a journey. It’s about recognizing that our sensitivity is not a flaw or something to suppress, but a strength. It’s what makes us empathetic friends, creative thinkers, and compassionate leaders. It’s what allows us to see the world in a way that others don’t—full of beauty, depth, and meaning.

One of the first steps in embracing sensitivity is to understand it. Reading about the experiences of other HSPs, such as in Dr. Elaine Aron’s books, can be incredibly validating. It helps HSPs realize that we’re not alone and that there’s nothing wrong with us. Sensitivity is simply a different way of experiencing the world, and it comes with its own benefits and drawbacks.

Another important aspect of embracing sensitivity is setting boundaries. We need to be especially mindful of our limits and learn to say no when we’re at risk of becoming overstimulated. This might mean declining invitations to events that feel too overwhelming, taking breaks during busy days, or creating a calm, quiet space at home where we can retreat when needed. This can be challenging for HSPs who also find themselves people-pleasing because they can strongly sense the other person’s wants and emotions. We often don’t want to let other people down because we can feel their disappointment. However, setting boundaries and getting comfortable with “letting people down” is a really important lesson for us to learn if we want to maintain our wellbeing. 

Self-care is also crucial for HSPs. This includes regular downtime, where we can relax and recharge without any external pressures. Activities like reading, meditation, or spending time in nature can be particularly restorative. HSPs might also benefit from creative outlets, such as writing, painting, or music, which allow us to express our deep emotions in a safe and constructive way. If the HSP is also autistic or ADHD, allowing themselves to engage in their special interests or their hyperfixations can also be helpful in regulation and self-care. 

Finally, HSPs should surround ourselves with people who understand and respect our sensitivity. Having supportive friends, family members, or partners who appreciate our unique qualities can make all the difference. These relationships provide a safe space where HSPs can be themselves without fear of judgment or criticism. Learning when to end relationships with people who are not accommodating or understanding of sensitivity is another difficult but important lesson for us to learn. We are particularly sensitive to the energies and emotions of others and, thus, being around people who zap our energy or bring us down can be very problematic. Learning to be ok with letting go of relationships that don’t serve us is a lifelong skill for HSPs to grow comfortable with. 
 

HSPs and Relationships

Relationships can be both deeply fulfilling and challenging for HSPs. On the one hand, our empathy and intuition make us loving, attentive partners who are highly attuned to the needs of others. We often go above and beyond to care for their loved ones, offering support, understanding, and kindness.

However, this deep emotional investment can also be draining, especially if the HSP doesn’t have boundaries in place. Because we feel so deeply, HSPs can sometimes take on the emotions of our partners, which can lead to emotional burnout. It’s important for HSPs to communicate their needs and ensure that their relationships are balanced, with both partners offering support to each other. It’s important for us to recognize when we need to take a step back or place emotional boundaries in order to protect ourselves from getting too emotionally intertwined with our partner. 

Additionally, HSPs may also need more reassurance and communication in relationships than others. They’re often highly aware of subtle changes in their partner’s mood or behavior, which can lead to overthinking or anxiety. This can be especially compounded if they have an insecure attachment style. Open, honest communication is key to helping HSPs feel secure and understood in their relationships.

It’s also important for HSPs to find partners who appreciate their sensitivity rather than see it as a burden. Being with someone who values and respects their emotional depth can help HSPs thrive in their relationships. My partner, for example, is not nearly as sensitive or deeply-feeling as I am. However, she loves and appreciates my sensitivity, despite it sometimes causing heightened anxiety or requiring increased support. She encourages me to feel and experience my emotions to their full extent, and, even though she doesn't understand it, she’s always open to learning more about the way I experience the world. A supportive partner will recognize the beauty of an HSP’s sensitivity and offer the care and understanding needed to nurture the relationship.
 

HSPs in the Workplace

The workplace can be a challenging environment for HSPs, especially in high-pressure or fast-paced settings, or in settings that require prolonged emotional energy. However, with the right conditions, HSPs can excel in their careers, bringing creativity, attention to detail, empathy, and strong problem-solving skills to their work.

HSPs often thrive in environments where they can work independently or in small, supportive teams. They may prefer jobs that allow for deep focus and creativity, rather than constant multitasking or high levels of social interaction. Many HSPs are drawn to careers in the arts, counseling, teaching, writing, or other fields where they can use their sensitivity to help others or create meaningful work.

One of the biggest challenges for HSPs in the workplace is managing stress. Because we’re more sensitive to stimuli, HSPs can easily become overwhelmed by noise, deadlines, or demanding workloads. It’s important for HSPs to set boundaries at work, such as taking regular breaks, creating a quiet workspace, or limiting their exposure to stressful situations.

Even jobs that HSPs traditionally gravitate towards, like for me as a therapist, work can be challenging in ways that others may not experience. As a therapist, I’ve had to realize that I can’t carry the same caseload as my more neurotypical colleagues. The amount of emotional energy and autistic masking I have to do in sessions makes seeing a high number of clients a day pretty much impossible and has led to burnout. I’ve had to recognize that being a deeply-feeling person makes me a great therapist and coach, but it also makes me have to place boundaries that others may view as too narrow. However, for me, I know they’re where they belong. 
 

Conclusion

Being a Highly Sensitive Person is not about being weak, fragile, or overly emotional. It’s about having a sensitive and powerful way of experiencing the world—one that’s rich with emotion, empathy, and creativity. While sensitivity can come with its challenges, it’s also a gift that allows HSPs to connect deeply with others, appreciate the beauty in life, and make a meaningful impact in the world. If you’re an HSP, embrace your sensitivity. Recognize that it’s a valuable part of who you are, and that it brings strength, depth, and richness to your life. Surround yourself with people who appreciate your sensitivity, take care of your needs, and find ways to channel your sensitivity into creativity and connection. In a world that is far too insensitive, harsh, and challenging, we need more people to be their natural, empathetic, and highly feeling selves. We can all use more empathy and understanding, and, the good news is, is that HSPs have plenty of that!