How Dani Feels About Being Herself During Pride Month

NeuroSpark’s co-founder Dani Rodwell shares her thoughts about what identity, pride, and intersectionality means to her. Dani cares a lot about authenticity, embracing differences, and celebrating uniqueness﹣ especially during Pride﹣and she supports others to do the same. 

What’s your name?

My name is Dani.

What’s your identity? 

I am a proud queer neurodivergent biracial AFAB woman. (She/her) All of the above are crucial elements of my identity. 

What was the process of discovering your neurodivergence like for you?

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 13, but believe it or not, it was only until my mid-20’s that I was able to integrate neurodivergence as a part of my identity and not just another label. I became a therapist and was working with neurodivergent kids and adults whose disabilities looked different than mine. I guess I was subconsciously (definitely) “othering” myself through internalized ableism that I would constantly compare myself to the individuals I worked with. It wasn’t until I became honest with myself in order to admit how deeply I identified with my clients rather than constantly comparing. 

This process was transformational for me. It also allowed me to extend that same love, acceptance, and understanding towards myself that I have always shown my clients. It was also a much more gentle approach to self﹣ embracing my differences and letting go of that judgment of being “broken” or not good enough. 

How does intersectionality impact your experience?

In every conceivable way. It’s really hard to even explain. Being a woman who would be seen by uninformed people as “high-functioning” when really I’m just very high masking. I’ve also been called cute, silly, quirky, bubbly, dramatic, and sensitive. The list continues. 

Being a biracial Pakistani American woman is actually also really isolating. I am already looked at as different by my brown family where I clearly stand out as mixed, but adding being autistic to that, I’m just a very unique flower in the garden of my culture and family. Conversely, being an ethnically-ambiguous person in a group of white people where I can maybe pass, but not completely due to my ethnic features, I am also not entirely comfortable in that sense either. I get stared at a lot at gatherings, not in judgment, but I guess people are trying to figure me out. It’s hard for myself to figure me out already! I’m unique and I feel happy about it. People can integrate that information how they wish, my experience and identity is for me to live with, not them.

On a completely different note, being a bisexual in a hetero relationship can also feel very othering in the LGBTQ+ community. Biphobia exists and so do preconceived notions about what a queer person “should” be or do. I feel best using queer as a descriptor and once again, it’s for me. I feel celebration in queer spaces, cultured spaces, and of course, the neurodivergent community. 

Any advice for people wanting to show up as an ally? 

Let people live. Keep your opinions to yourself. Focus on what makes them happy, not what you think about it. When people tell you who they are, believe them. It’s really not necessary to negotiate or debate that. Validate people’s experiences. Be kind. You make your own decisions, and they make theirs. 

What is it like being you? 

Intensity 24/7. Lots of emotions. 

What is important to you?

Love is important to me. Giving and receiving love from those around me. Being real and genuine in a world full of social norms that can often feel fake and mechanical, authenticity is important to me. This includes, as mentioned above, embracing and celebrating people who are themselves. Mental health is also very important to me. 

What’s your spark (what brings you joy)?

Writing, music (both listening to and attending shows), and animals, specifically dogs. Watching people heal and grow and helping them feel inspired to go after their innermost dreams.

What’s difficult for you? 

Social interaction, making and maintaining personal relationships, and communication. It’s absolutely draining for me to verbally express what’s going on in my head. It’s also extremely hard for me to manage stress. Stress often gets the best of me (but I never give up). Sensory sensitivities such as touch, light, sound, and movement just adds to the stress my body has to manage on a daily basis to varying degrees. 

Executive. Functioning. Is. The. Most. Difficult. Being able to just do things every single day, task after task, never ending tasks, is difficult. Remembering to text this person back or send that person an email or make this phone call when I struggle to even find an outfit for the day or get myself out the door is difficult. But every day I get up and try, despite how hard I have to work to do that.

What has been helpful for you? 

Connecting with communities where I feel safe and supported, specifically the autism and LGBTQ+ community makes me happy and helps to know that there are places to turn where I feel understood. Professional support such as having colleagues, therapists, coaches, and a psychiatrist to regularly check in with. Friends and family. My service dog, Tipper, who calms my anxiety every day. Letting go of negative self-judgment and approaching my days with patience and grace toward self. Allowing myself to feel proud of what I do. 

Boundaries are probably the most helpful. Being able to understand and assert what my limits are without trying to people-please like I have done for a majority of my life. Diving deeper into self-understanding and self-advocacy where I can say the word “no.”

What can others do to support you? 

Logistically, sending me reminders about things is very helpful. Helping me prioritize and organize. Listening to me rant and vent about things. Friends who know me typically tell me a time that is much earlier than the actual time for me to be ready as a way to accommodate my chronic lateness. Also, my true friends and family absolutely understand that I may fall out of communication for a while, forget to text back, or need to spend time alone, and they don’t hold it against me. Allowing me processing time after presenting a lot of information, not expecting me to come up with brilliant responses right away. The next day I might be able to formulate much better responses. In other words, not expecting me to make decisions or statements on the spot. 

What are your dreams? 

I want to move to Hawaii and walk my dog on the beach every morning, then make a smoothie, move my body, and then work on something I love every day. It’s that simple.

What are you proud of/what does Pride mean to you? 

To me pride means owning and celebrating who you are, and everyone around you. It means coming together in our uniqueness and just being. Being happy and safe. Pride to me is a space. Knowing I can enter a queer space and be safe, is Pride to me. Pride is a force for me. It’s a place of love. It’s also fun. Body positivity, sex positivity, music, art, creativity, love, acceptance. Unconditional acceptance.

What message do you want to share?

Be yourself. Find your spark, and live it.