Deeply-Feeling Kids: Understanding and Supporting Their Emotional Depth Through Teen Neurodivergent Coaching

By Cat Salladin

When I was a kid, I frequently wondered why I seemed more emotional and sensitive than my peers. I felt deeply distraught when one of my friends was made fun of or hurt, sometimes even more than the friend themselves. And, conversely, I experienced jubilation and excitement that seemed to far exceed what my counterparts displayed. This confused me, and I found myself tampering down my emotional responses in order to seem more “normal”. Many times, this was difficult and exhausting to do, which I also didn’t understand. Why did other people seem capable of so easily navigating the world without becoming overwhelmed by their emotional experiences? 

It wasn’t until I realized that I’m autistic and ADHD that I began to unpack my experiences through a neuroaffirming lens. Understanding the connection to my neurodivergence and my deep emotional responses helped to process some of the things I went through as a deeply-feeling kid, and has lead to a greater understanding of myself as an adult. 

Just like how adults experience variations in emotional depth, some kids, like how I was, tend to feel things more deeply than others. They may experience emotions intensely, be deeply moved by events or people around them, and have a strong sense of empathy. These "deeply-feeling" kids often possess a heightened sensitivity to their environment, leading to a rich emotional life but can also create challenges in navigating the complexities of their emotions. Neurodivergent coaching services can be an impactful resource for these kids and teens, helping them understand and manage their emotional experiences. I know that had I had access to someone who understood my neurotype and the depth of my emotional world, I would have, at the very least, felt so much less alone in my experiences. 
 

 

What Does It Mean to be Deeply-Feeling?

Being a deeply-feeling kid or teen means experiencing the world with an intensity that goes beyond what is viewed as the norm. These individuals can have a heightened awareness of their own emotions and the emotions of others. They might cry easily, feel overwhelmed by certain experiences, or become deeply engaged with causes and ideas that resonate with them. Thus, they may become powerful advocates for change, devoted carers, or supportive, empathetic friends. While this emotional depth can be a source of strength and creativity, it can also make life more challenging, especially in a world that often values stoicism and emotional regulation over emotional expression, particularly if that emotional expression interferes with productivity. I know that, in my experiences, I was frequently shamed for having “over the top” emotional responses to injustices or tragedies, even if they seemingly didn’t affect me. It was difficult to explain why I’d feel so strongly about certain things at the time, but, understanding my neurodivergence has lead to a greater vocabulary and grace for myself in my deep emotions. 
 

Neurotypes Associated with Deeply-Feeling Kids

Several neurotypes are commonly associated with kids who are deeply-feeling. These neurodivergent profiles can come with traits that contribute to their intense emotional experiences. Understanding these neurotypes can help parents, educators, and coaches provide the support these children and teens need to thrive. It can also lead to a better understanding for the individual themselves, which helps with providing self-compassion and grace. 
 

Autistic Individuals

Autistic individuals who are also deeply-feeling often have a deep connection to their emotions and the emotions of others. While autism is associated with social communication differences that may be judged by others, it can also involve a heightened sensitivity to sensory experiences, emotions, and social dynamics, which can contribute to hyperempathy and deep feelings. Because of these traits, these autistic kids and teens may also have a strong sense of justice and be deeply affected by unfairness or cruelty, both in their own lives and in the broader world.

In addition to their sensory and emotional sensitivities, autistic kids may also develop intense special interests, which they pursue with passion and dedication. These interests can provide a source of comfort and stability, but they can also lead to frustration if others do not share or understand their enthusiasm. Neurodivergent coaching can help autistic teens navigate these challenges by providing strategies for managing sensory sensitivities, understanding and expressing their emotions, and finding ways to connect with others who share their interests.

For me, my hyperempathy and passion for justice has led me to pursue a career in mental health and advocating for neurodivergent people like myself. The things that were once seen as a “problem” by the people around me are now my biggest strengths. Channeling those intense feelings can be hugely beneficial and validating for other deep feelers like myself. 
 

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are individuals who have an increased sensitivity to sensory input and emotional experiences. This trait, which is found in about 15-20% of the population, is characterized by a deep processing of sensory information, a strong emotional response to stimuli, and a heightened awareness of subtleties in the environment. It is important to note that HSPs can also be autistic, ADHD, another neurotype, or any combination in between. I, myself, am highly sensitive and also autistic and ADHD. 

HSPs may be more prone to feeling overwhelmed in situations that others find manageable, such as crowded places, loud noises, or intense social interactions. They might also be deeply affected by the emotions of others, picking up on subtle cues and feeling the emotions of those around them as if they were their own. This can lead to a rich inner life and a strong sense of empathy, but it can also make it difficult to navigate the demands of daily life.

For deeply-feeling teens who are HSPs, neurodivergent coaching can provide tools and strategies for managing sensory overload, setting boundaries, and finding balance in their emotional lives. Coaching can also help them harness their sensitivity as a strength, using their heightened awareness and empathy to build meaningful relationships and pursue their passions. This can also increase self esteem for these kids who, in other areas of their lives, may be shamed for their emotional sensitivities.
 

ADHD

ADHD is another neurotype commonly associated with deeply-feeling kids. ADHDers often experience emotions intensely and may struggle with emotional regulation. They might be quick to anger, easily frustrated, or prone to mood swings, or experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, but they may also experience joy, excitement, and creativity with a similar intensity. Oftentimes, the “negative” emotions of ADHDers are focused on by others far more than the “positive” emotions, which can lead to low self esteem and shame surrounding their emotional realities. 

The impulsivity and hyperactivity associated with ADHD can also contribute to a deeply-feeling profile. ADHD teens might act on their emotions without fully processing them, leading to impulsive decisions or actions that they later regret. They may also struggle with the executive functioning skills needed to manage their emotions effectively, such as planning, organization, and time management. Because passion is felt very deeply, ADHDers may feel excited to start projects, but their executive dysfunction makes it difficult to finish. For me, I’ve had many projects that I’ve felt compelled to create but, once the initial excitement wears off, I find it difficult to continue. Emotions are deeply intertwined with my motivation, which can make it challenging to be diligent and dedicated to any given task. 

Neurodivergent coaching can be particularly beneficial for ADHD teens, providing them with strategies for managing their emotions, improving their executive functioning skills, and finding ways to channel their energy and creativity in positive directions. Coaches can also help ADHD teens develop self-awareness and self-compassion, recognizing that their emotional intensity is a part of who they are and learning to embrace it rather than fight against it. A coach would have been very helpful for me growing up as an AuDHD teen because they could have taught me ways to accommodate for my challenges without dampening my emotional experiences.  
 

Twice-Exceptional (2e) Individuals

Twice-exceptional (2e) individuals are those who are both gifted and neurodivergent. This combination often leads to a unique profile of strengths and challenges, with emotional intensity being a common characteristic. 2e teens might excel academically or creatively, but they may also struggle with emotional regulation, social interactions, or sensory sensitivities. This can be confusing to an outsider because expectations may be either too low, too high, or a combination of the two. 

The emotional intensity of 2e individuals can be both a strength and a challenge. On one hand, it can fuel their creative and intellectual pursuits, driving them to achieve great things. On the other hand, it can lead to feelings of overwhelm, frustration, or isolation, particularly if they feel that others do not understand or appreciate their unique perspective. For me, I excelled in writing and other language-based activities because it allowed me to harness my emotional depths. However, in other areas, I experienced challenges that were often misunderstood as me not trying hard enough. 

For 2e teens, neurodivergent coaching can provide a safe space to explore their emotions, develop strategies for managing their challenges, and find ways to leverage their strengths. Coaches can help 2e teens build self-confidence, develop resilience, and find a sense of belonging in a world that may not always appreciate their unique gifts.
 

The Role of Neurodivergent Coaching in Supporting Deeply-Feeling Teens

Neurodivergent coaching is a specialized form of support that is designed to help neurodivergent individuals understand and manage their unique experiences. For deeply-feeling teens, coaching can be an invaluable resource, providing them with the tools and strategies they need to navigate their emotions, build self-awareness, and develop self-compassion.
 

Understanding and Accepting Emotional Intensity

One of the key benefits of neurodivergent coaching for deeply-feeling teens is the opportunity to understand and accept their emotional intensity. Many deeply-feeling teens may feel that their emotions are "too much" or that they need to suppress their feelings in order to fit in with others. Coaching can help them reframe this perspective, recognizing that their emotional intensity is a part of who they are and that it can be a source of strength and creativity. One of the biggest things I see in my work with neurodivergent adults who are also deep feelers is that their emotional experiences were frequently shamed or extinguished growing up. This can be a challenge to unlearn in adulthood, so the earlier that a neurodivergent person can work to accept their emotional intensity, the better. 
 

Building Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional regulation is another important area of focus for neurodivergent coaching. Deeply-feeling teens may struggle with managing their emotions, particularly in high-stress or overwhelming situations. Coaching can provide them with practical tools and strategies for regulating their emotions, such as deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or cognitive-behavioral strategies. These techniques can be presented in a more neuroaffirming way, which differs from traditional therapy when the therapist does not understand neurodivergence. In my experience, I found that therapists who did not share my neurotype struggled to understand the extent to which my neurodivergence affected me, which made it harder to see benefits from therapy. 
 

Increasing Self-Compassion and Resilience

Deeply-feeling teens may be particularly prone to self-criticism or perfectionism, particularly if they feel that their emotional intensity sets them apart from others and especially if they have experienced external criticism from others, which many of us have. Neurodivergent coaching can help these teens develop self-compassion, recognizing that their emotions are valid and that they do not need to be "fixed" or "controlled."

Coaches can also help deeply-feeling teens build resilience, teaching them how to cope with setbacks, manage stress, and bounce back from challenges. By creating a sense of self-compassion and resilience, coaching can help deeply-feeling teens develop a positive self-image and a strong sense of self-worth.
 

The Long-Term Benefits of Neurodivergent Coaching for Deeply-Feeling Teens

The benefits of neurodivergent coaching for deeply-feeling teens extend far beyond the immediate challenges of adolescence. By helping teens understand and manage their emotional intensity, coaching can lay the foundation for their long-term wellbeing.
 

Developing a Strong Sense of Identity

One of the most important outcomes of neurodivergent coaching is the development of a strong and positive sense of identity. Deeply-feeling teens may struggle with feeling different or misunderstood, particularly if their emotional intensity sets them apart from their peers or they have been conditioned to mask these traits. Coaching can help these teens embrace their unique qualities, building a sense of pride in their identity as a deeply-feeling person. This, in turn, helps them grow up to be secure, empathetic adults.
 

Building Lifelong Emotional Regulation Skills

The emotional regulation skills that deeply-feeling teens develop through neurodivergent coaching can have a lasting impact on their lives. By learning how to manage their emotions effectively, teens can navigate the challenges of adulthood with greater ease and resilience. Whether they are facing stress at work, navigating complex relationships, or pursuing their personal goals, the skills they develop in coaching can help regulate their nervous system and help them stay grounded and focused.
 

Enhancing Social Connections and Relationships

For deeply-feeling teens, the comfortable social skills and communication strategies they develop through neurodivergent coaching can have a large impact on their relationships. By learning how to connect with others in meaningful and authentic ways that feel comfortable to them, they can build a strong support network that provides them with the encouragement and understanding they need to thrive. They can also learn to be more ok with ending relationships with people who do not appreciate their emotional depths. 
 

Conclusion

Deeply-feeling kids navigate a world of heightened emotions, sensory sensitivities, and social complexities. While these traits can be challenging, they also hold immense potential for creativity, empathy, and connection. Neurodivergent coaching for teens provides a vital resource, offering deeply-feeling individuals the tools, strategies, and support they need to thrive. By supporting emotional regulation, social skills, self-compassion, and resilience, coaching helps deeply-feeling teens embrace their unique neurotype, leading to a fulfilling and empowered life.