Dear AuDHD Auntie: Masking Tips for Work Success

Dear AuDHD Auntie,

“I find that workplace interactions are the most challenging for me to fit in. It all feels so "middle school mean girl" ostracizing, and I always end up having to over-apologize or over-explain why I am socially awkward while dancing around specifically disclosing. 

This challenge is compounded now that I am in the self-discovery process of unmasking in my personal life and letting myself live "aut and proud" because I just escaped that prison, and stepping back into it sometimes is like pulling a pair of soaked socks back on after you successfully peeled them off post unexpected puddle!

How can I fortify myself enough to stomach sliding that mask back on to make my work day easier on me?”

-To Mask or Not to Mask

Dear To Mask or Not to Mask, 

I love this question; thank you so much for submitting it here!

This is a conversation I have with many clients–how to re-mask, when to mask or not mask, how to assess safety of people/environments for unmasking, and how to protect themselves when they do re-mask strategically.

Because we live in a neurodominant culture and society and many spaces we must exist in, like the workplace, are still operating fully in neurodominant culture, it can be useful for us to be able to use our masks strategically to navigate the ableism around us.  After all, our incredible brains created masking to help us survive this environment in the first place, so we can learn to wield it as a valuable tool when needed.

Like you mentioned, dear reader, it can be difficult to put the mask on once we’ve experienced life without it.  Some protective practices you might experiment with are:
 

• Are there workplace accommodations that might better support you, such as working remotely or moving the location of your workstation to a more private/quiet location?

• Are there other accommodations around the “how” of your process of completing tasks and responsibilities for your job role that might alleviate some of the capacity spent in those areas, freeing up more energy to help you mask?

• Are there ways you can build a ritual of donning and doffing your mask before and after work?  I think about my mask as an energetic hazmat suit that I put on for my own protection and envision myself going through the process of suiting up in all the personal protective equipment to face the day.  Then at the end of the day–maybe on the commute home–I imagine myself removing all the PPE and going through decontamination so I don’t have to worry about bringing any of that energy or other people’s emotions home with me.  To help me with this is Hazel, the HazMat Pup who reminds me that while masking isn’t comfortable and not for living it, it can help keep me safe in certain situations.

Know that when you are using your mask strategically to navigate this neurodominant world, you are still 100% yourself underneath, and no one can take that from you.  When you mask strategically, it can be an empowered choice rather than a prison we’re forced into because this time, you are masking for your own benefit rather than masking for other people’s benefit.

Kindly,

AuDHD Auntie