Are Neurodivergent Adults "Socially Awkward"?

Note: NeuroSpark Health is a neurodiversity-affirming practice. We use the term socially awkward not as a judgement, but rather as a reclamation and exploration of language sometimes used to describe our own lived experiences. 

The phrase "socially awkward" often brings to mind situations where someone might struggle with traditional social cues or norms, like making eye contact, engaging in small talk, or responding quickly in conversation. But this label, despite seeming somewhat innocuous, actually has ableist implications and carries far more weight when one understands neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people, including those who are autistic or have ADHD, often experience social interactions differently, which can result in being labeled as "socially awkward." In a society that prizes smooth social skills, this label can carry negative connotations, often unfairly. By exploring what "socially awkward" truly means, we can open the conversation around how society can adapt to and embrace different ways of socializing.
 

What Does "Socially Awkward" Really Mean?

The term "socially awkward" typically refers to behaviors that don't align with social norms. This might look like pauses in conversation, difficulty in maintaining eye contact, or talking too much about specific interests. However, many of these behaviors are actually common and normal among neurodivergent people who process social interactions differently.

For instance, autistic people may interpret social cues through a logical rather than intuitive lens, which can lead to responses that seem "out of sync" in neurotypical settings. ADHDers, on the other hand, might interrupt conversations or struggle to stay on a single topic due to impulsivity or fast-paced thought patterns. These actions aren't intended to disrupt social harmony but rather reflect different processing styles and are often natural expressions for neurodivergent individuals. 

What’s interesting about the concept of someone being “socially awkward” is that the assumption is always made through a neurotypical lens. In neurodivergent circles, these “socially awkward” ways of communicating often feel comfortable, genuine, and far from awkward. For a lot of us neurodivergent folks, masking, or acting neurotypical, feels much more awkward and downright painful. Masking our “social awkwardness,” which is really just masking our natural neurodivergent traits, generally serves to make neurotypical people more comfortable and protect us from their judgment rather than actually alleviate the feelings of awkwardness. 
 

Why Neurodivergent People Are Often Labeled "Socially Awkward"

A large part of social interaction relies on unspoken rules that neurotypical individuals often pick up subconsciously, such as when to pause in a conversation or how close to stand to someone. Neurodivergent people, however, may not interpret these implicit rules in the same way, leading to behaviors that fall outside social expectations. Neurodivergent people may be labeled “socially awkward” for many reasons:
 

1. Different Communication Styles: Neurodivergent individuals may communicate directly and openly, which can sometimes seem blunt or overly honest. For example, autistic people might prefer direct statements over "reading between the lines." This can be refreshing for those who prefer clarity but might be interpreted as socially unrefined by neurotypicals. For many neurodivergent people, dancing around direct statements and expecting others to read minds feels far more awkward and uncomfortable than just saying what you mean. 
    

2. Interest-Based Conversations: Infodumping, or sharing extensive knowledge on an autistic special interest, is a common social behavior. While this can be engaging for those who share that interest and for neurodivergent people who enjoy listening to others infodump about things they may not know about, it might come off as overly intense to neurotypical people who are unaccustomed to such focused discussions. Relating over interests and learning from others is a common experience in neurodivergent circles that often feels comfortable and genuine. Small talk and keeping conversations about interests surface-level by avoiding intense passion or excitement feels very awkward for us neurodivergent folks. 
    

3. Sensory Processing Sensitivites: Many neurodivergent people experience heightened or reduced sensitivity to sensory stimuli. These differences can influence how they respond in social settings, making them appear withdrawn, distracted, or anxious, particularly in environments with bright lights, loud sounds, or crowded spaces. For example, bars are a common place for adults to meet each other, even though they’re incredibly loud and, quite frankly, not very conducive to having conversations of any depth. Neurodivergent people often especially struggle in these settings because our nervous systems are on overdrive due to the lights, sounds, crowds, etc. This can make us seem awkward, aloof, or uninterested, even if we would genuinely like to meet and talk to others. For many neurodivergent people, having to shout over loud music and attempt to remain regulated while trying to have a conversation and get to know someone feels incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. 
    

4. Non-Standard Social Cues: Eye contact, facial expressions, and body language can vary widely among neurodivergent people. For example, some autistic people may avoid eye contact because it feels uncomfortable or overstimulating, which can lead to misinterpretation as being disinterested or shy. For us neurodivergent people, eye contact makes us feel more uncomfortable and awkward, despite neurotypical people feeling the opposite. 
    

Why Is "Socially Awkward" Considered a Negative Trait?

Society often places high value on social "smoothness" or the ability to navigate social norms seamlessly, which has led to a bias against behaviors perceived as socially awkward. However, this emphasis on typical social behaviors can create exclusionary and ableist attitudes toward those who naturally engage differently. Many of the reasons being “socially awkward” (which is often just code for neurodivergent) is seen as such a negative thing is rooted in ableism. 
 

1. Cultural Bias Toward Extroversion: Many cultures prioritize and praise extroverted behaviors, such as lively conversation, outward engagement, and the enjoyment of bustling and stimulating environments. This can make quieter or more introspective behaviors seem unusual or "awkward," even though these traits are simply variations in personality. Even from childhood, shyness, regardless of whether or not it’s related to neurodivergence, is seen as something that should be conditioned out of the kid. Children are taught and encouraged to be extroverted far more than they are taught and encouraged to be introspective or introverted. 
    

2. Fear of the Unfamiliar: People may feel uncomfortable around behaviors that don’t fit societal norms, like limited eye contact or hyperfixation on a particular subject. Rather than attempt to understand these differences and bridge the gap in communication, society and therefore individuals themselves tend to write off neurodivergent traits as “wrong” or “awkward.” Therefore, the onus and responsibility is almost always put on the neurodivergent person to either educate the neurotypical about differences in communication and social norms or to mask their neurodivergent traits in an attempt to fit in. These misunderstandings can reinforce stereotypes and create unnecessary social barriers for neurodivergent individuals.
    

3. Associations with Incompetence or Unfriendliness: When someone is labeled socially awkward, it’s often associated with unkind stereotypes about being unfriendly, unskilled, or even incompetent or stupid. This judgment overlooks the strengths of neurodivergent people, including their honesty, creativity, and often intense care and empathy. These judgments that society makes about neurodivergent people are deeply rooted in ableism and the general fear of difference. Despite diversity being a good thing across all societies and species, neurodiversity and disability in general are still very much not accepted or celebrated. This prejudice has devastating effects on neurodivergent people’s mental health, self esteem, connection and community, and livelihood. Further, it just continues to perpetuate ableist beliefs in society that negatively impact all people regardless of ability or difference. 
    

By reframing our understanding of social differences, we can begin to see these characteristics as simply that: differences rather than deficiencies.
 

The Reality of Neurodivergent Social Interactions: Neurodivergent People Are Not Socially Awkward with Each Other

Interestingly, when neurodivergent individuals interact with each other, “social awkwardness” often disappears. For example, two autistic individuals may feel at ease talking extensively about a shared interest without feeling the need to balance the conversation or avoid going too deep. Similarly, ADHDers might bond over spontaneous, high-energy interactions without feeling the pressure to “stay on topic.”

In spaces where neurodivergent norms are celebrated, these so-called "awkward" behaviors are not only accepted but valued. This natural ease among neurodivergent individuals demonstrates that social awkwardness is often a result of societal expectations rather than an inherent trait. The comfort that neurodivergent people feel around each other highlights the possibility for different social norms that make space for everyone’s unique social needs. It goes to show that when we meet people with open mindedness rather than preconceived notions about the way they should act, connection and understanding is far more likely. When people feel safe to interact with others in the ways that feel genuine and comfortable to them, they are more likely to actually show others who they really are rather than mask. Others get the opportunity to know and understand neurodivergent people at a deeper level when we’re not just written off as “awkward” or “weird.” Prejudice of other kinds, whether it be racism, sexism, homophobia, etc., shouldn’t be tolerated, so why should ableism? 
 

How Society Can Accommodate Different Social Needs

To build a more inclusive world, we must first recognize and respect social diversity. Accommodating different ways of socializing can break down the barriers that lead to labels like "socially awkward."
 

1. Promote The Neurodiversity Movement: Training programs that educate individuals and organizations on neurodiversity and diverse social needs can provide greater understanding and reduce harmful biases. 
    

2. Create Flexible Social Expectations: Instead of expecting everyone to conform to a single set of social rules, we can make room for alternative approaches, such as valuing direct communication over small talk or appreciating intense focus on a topic rather than perceiving it as socially inappropriate. Normalizing the use of aids such as pins or bracelets that display whether or not individuals want to talk can also be helpful for those who find social interactions draining. 
    

3. Encourage Clear Communication: Many neurodivergent people benefit from explicit communication, as they may not pick up on subtle social cues. In workplaces, social settings, and educational environments, clear communication can enhance mutual understanding and reduce social misunderstandings.
    

4. Normalize Sensory-Friendly Spaces: Creating environments with reduced sensory stimuli can make social interactions easier for those who are sensitive to noise, lighting, or crowds. Quiet rooms, soft lighting, and noise-canceling options in social spaces can support neurodivergent individuals in feeling more comfortable and included. Normalizing environments like this can help neurodivergent people feel less “weird” or that something is “wrong” with them. When people are comfortable, they are more relaxed and less likely to feel overwhelmed by social interactions. 
    

5. Appreciate Depth over Conformity: Valuing deep conversations and the rich focus that many neurodivergent people bring to social interactions can help society embrace these differences rather than label them as awkward. 
    

Managing the "Socially Awkward" Label: Strategies for Neurodivergent Individuals

While societal change is crucial, neurodivergent individuals can also develop strategies to navigate social situations and lessen the impact of the “socially awkward” label, if that’s a goal they choose to pursue:
 

• Find Neurodivergent-Friendly Communities: Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals can provide a sense of belonging, as social norms in these communities often align more closely with natural interaction styles.
   

• Seek Neurodivergent Coaching: Many neurodivergent people find that coaching can help them build confidence and learn tools to manage social stress. This can involve learning how to set boundaries, communicate preferences, and advocate for needs in social settings.
   

• Practice Self-Acceptance: Embracing one’s unique social style can lead to greater self-confidence. Rather than viewing oneself through society’s lens of what’s “appropriate,” many neurodivergent people benefit from reframing their social traits as neutral, natural aspects of themselves.
   

• Educate Friends and Family: Sometimes, close friends and family members may unintentionally reinforce the “socially awkward” label. Gently educating them about neurodivergent social styles can foster a more accepting environment.
   

Redefining “Socially Awkward"

The concept of being "socially awkward" is largely a product of narrow social norms and ableism. Neurodivergent people, who may approach social interaction differently, are often unfairly labeled because their communication styles don’t conform to mainstream expectations. By broadening our understanding of what constitutes “normal” social behavior and creating spaces that accommodate diverse interaction styles, people of all neurotypes can feel accepted and accommodated. Ultimately, rather than pathologizing behaviors as awkward, we can choose to see these differences as valuable and meaningful forms of social expression.